Four Loko induces heart explosion in test monkey

Text Sarah Smith - November 9, 2010

In a recent laboratory experiment at the University of Chicago at Illinois a test monkey named "Peter" was a recent casualty in the wave of Four Loko deaths sweeping the country.

Peter was administered two cans of Four Loko orally while to the surprise of the scientists his heart exploded.

Dr. Kenzington at UIC told us that "Peter was a great little guy and its a shame this would happen, but he died for all these dumb college kids who have been dropping like flies. This is an epidemic and we wanted to show the world what is wrong with Four Loko. Don't do it kids!"

Four Loko refused to return our calls on the explosive side effects of their drink. We will be keeping our readers posted on this breaking story.